so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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