You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We were destined to go to rehab together
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
