Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
