Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
