I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
