i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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