you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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