Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
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I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
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I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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