We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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