Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
