It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
