does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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