My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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