She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
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