Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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