RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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