I cannot find my penis.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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