so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
