Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
