I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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