Your dad touched me again.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
