My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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