his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
