he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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