so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
