at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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