Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
