$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
