My brain says no but my pants say off.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
