Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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