There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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