All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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