I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
