Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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