Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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