I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We need to rekindle our bromance
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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