I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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