So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
why is half of my head shaved?
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