but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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