I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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