If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
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she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
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Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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