come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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