Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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