There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
