Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
