have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
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He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
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That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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