I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
