talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
