We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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