we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
what is it with giant penises always finding me
No...this little piggys going to the bar
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
