Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
