i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
