No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
