Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
