i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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