i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
