Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
