I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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