Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
