dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
