Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
