Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
