dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
