Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize
