if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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