I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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