did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He kissed a someone with a penis
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
a search helicopter?!
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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