just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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