Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
