We named our party play list daddy issues
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
