I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
