I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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