There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
