Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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