Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
