I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
